Random Outbursts of Feelings

Random Outbursts of Feelings

            Hello world, its me again. It has been a while since I have updated this blog. Perhaps the new phase of life that I am going through since almost two years ago has a larger impact on my life than I noticed. Anyways, I do get the urge to write something here every once in a while, even though no one actually reads this. Nevertheless, I guess this somehow makes me feel better.

            Anyways, the reason I am writing this is because I felt kind of empty lately. Don't get me wrong, I still have a great girlfriend, and we love each other a lot. However, I keep feeling like, there should be something more in my life. Friends? Achievements? Some valuable skills? Anything that might have brought some colors into my life. It really feels like I am wasting my days away, not doing or achieving anything that would make me smile when I look back a couple of years from now.

            Perhaps in the past,I managed to get way better results that made everyone proud of me? Or maybe I have many reliable friends who made my high school days enjoyable? Now, I barely achieved average results and I have somehow pushed my friends away before I realized what is happening. I wonder does anyone else go through this or is it just me making terrible decisions for the past few years. Whatever it is, I guess it is too late now.

Random Outbursts of Feelings

            Guess what? It's a special day today! The day that the person I love was born. I can't even begin to express how fortunate it was for me to meet her. I'm so glad that I made the decision to hang out and talk to her. I still remember the first time we talked to together without anyone else. It was a Tuesday and we were in one of the first chemistry classes when you told me that there aren't any pre-u meeting that evening. Back then, all I looked forward to was going home as soon as possible. We started talking more and more and started to spend more time together. I still remember how you will always salute when I see you in the mornings. We would talk a little before class begins. When we have breaks, you would tag along with me occasionally to the cafeteria for some snacks or brunches. We would even go to a study area to finish our homework and assignments. To be honest, I was wondering why would you want to hang out with me. I didn't do anything exciting like playing games or stuff like that, but you would still keep me company while doing homework. I discovered your interest and ability in drawing and to me, it is an amazing skill. I was wondering about that, but I didn't dare to ask for fear that you will stop hanging out with me. Though, I am glad that you still want to spend time with me and I really appreciate it.

            The months passed and I get to know more and more about you. People teased us for being together, but, to my relief, you didn't seem to mind and continued to keep me company. I am able to share my thoughts with you, something that I am unable to do with many people. I rarely get to meet someone who would listen to my thoughts and not get annoyed or bored. You made me feel happier in college and I actually looked forward to college to meet you. I don't know why, but I really enjoy tickling you. your expressions and reactions are really cute. Stealing your stuff (especially your stylus) and watching you realise they were missing really made my day. Not that i enjoy bullying you, but the expressions and reactions that you show are really cute and I loved every single moment of it. I get closer and closer to you until one point when I decided to be with you. I asked you out, and to my surprise and joy, you accepted me. The next few months were better than what I could imagine. You treated me really well and I love every single moment with you.

            Then, I got too territorial over you. I showed you my ugly side. I made you really sad and even cried because of my selfishness. There are times when I wonder whether are you really happy being with me. Or maybe your life would be better off without someone like me in it. Perhaps you would have achieved better results without having to spend so much time with me procrastinating instead of studying. Perhaps I you would have made better decisions when you were hanging out with other friends other than me. I can see that you are the type that other people enjoy being with. All these doubts are swimming around my head recently. I don't really know what to do, but you went on and helped me through so many things. And all the while, I just got sad and angry and even made you depressed. I won't blame you if you decide to leave me, and I will be happy for you if you ended up having a better life without me. You don't owe me anything, and I won't blame you at all. I am sorry for all the times when I made you cry. I am sorry for all the times when I made you sad. I truly am sorry. 

            But if you really love me and really want to be with me, I'm yours. I really hope that you will choose to be with me. Not just because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but because I really love you. I'm not trying to make you stay with me by saying this, but I just want you to decide what is best for you. If you still choose me, I will listen to you. If you want me to try out something new or do something else, I will listen to you and follow you. Please just don't leave me behind. I will change myself and be a better me that you deserve and love.

            I'm sorry that I couldn't get or make you something nice for your birthday, but I will make up for it when me meet. Don't look down on yourself, you are a good person and someone who have and will achieve many successful things in the future. I am glad that I get to be with you and cherished every minute I spent with you. Happy Birthday <3

Random Outbursts of Feelings

Random Outbusts of Feelings

        Well, it has been a loooooong while since I last posted on this blog, and I'm pretty certain that no one actually read this. But I still want to continue writing as this is considered as my diary( sort of).
It might sound ridiculous, but I might find it enjoyable to read these posts sometime in the future to remind me of my own strange feelings and experiences.

        I guess I should get started on the main topic. For the past few years, I have been in love with one girl, someone who kinda thought me the wonders of love. The feeling lasted waaaay longer than it should after she left me. Even though I used to blame her for hurting me, I soon realised that it's actually my own fault, my own ridiculous demands, my own problems. But I guess I should take it as a lesson to remind me not to act as stupidly as I did.

        

        After five long years of mixed torrents of swirling emotions, I finally get to move on as I realise that she is not the one for me. A few friends have told me that I can find someone better for me, and guess what? I really did! Never really expect this to happen, but I guess miracles do occur. I honestly did not expect to find a girl who is so similar with me in many aspects.

        I met her in a totally new environment and our relationship started in a really strange way. I guess I did fell for her not long after I first met her, but I was too afraid to ask her out for fear of my depressing past experiences. So, for a few months, I just hung out with her as friends while my feelings for her got stronger day by day until I finally gathered the courage to ask her out. I actually expected her to turn me down, but she actually accepted my feelings. I promised myself to not hurt her at all, but unfortunately, I broke my promise.

        I really do not want to make her sad, but I repeated the same mistakes again. I made her sad as I demanded near impossible things from her. I even went so far that she nearly left me. I forgot about my promises. I forgot myself again. But she forgave me. She tolerated with me and even loved me when I showed her how screwed up I can be. She did not leave me when I expected her to, instead she stayed with me and tried her best to cheer me up. She even sacrificed her time to make sure I'm happy and helped me in certain problems that I have. 

        

        I love her. It's just as simple as that. I really love her. I didn't expect her to love me back this much, but she did. If you are reading this and you know that you are the special girl in my life, thank you. Thank you for all the time that you spent with me. Thank you for all the help you gave me. Thank you for loving me. I honestly do not know what will happen in the future, but there is one thing that is set in stone: I will love you even if you really get tired of me one day. You will always be in my thoughts. I love you.

KAICHOU WA MAID-SAMA

"I'll come to save you as much as you want. I'll make you fall for me as much as you wish"- Usui Takumi

            Hello, first of all, I'm sorry for the inconsistent posts. I'm often being told that I'm a lazy guy. Well, today I'll share with you guys a wonderful romance anime-Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama. To be honest, I was delaying this anime for about a year since I thought that it is not interesting. But, fortunately, one of my friends convinced me to give it a try. Therefore, I watched the first few episodes and got hooked on to it. 

            Maid-Sama is a romance comedy drama anime. The entire plot revolves around a very manly girl, Misaki and one of the sexiest male anime character, Usui. Misaki came from a poor family and is forced to work to help her mother support her family. Her father left them alone with a large debt, thus Misaki has a hard life. However, she had great determination as she managed to obtain fantastic grades while taclking with her part-time job. In school, she is the Student Council President of Seika high School. But, she has a secret that she wished no one will find out. What's the secret? She works as a maid at a maid cafe.

            Usui Takumi,on the other hand, seems to be a rich and most popular kid in the school. Other guys respected him and many girls confessed to him, but he rejected them all. And, he was the first one to discover Misaki's secret. At first, Misaki thought he would use it to blackmail her, but he kept her secret and even convinced the other three guys who found out her secret to keep their mouths shut. He constantly teased her and occasionally harrassed her sexually, but for some reason, he was always there whenever Misaki needed help. He often saved her from trying problems such as when she was sick and also when she was having trouble with the Miyabigaoka President.

            Maybe for those reasons, she slowly fell for him. She tried to deny it at first, but soon found out that love is a powerful thing. As the story progressed, Usui did unbelievable feats for her and their relationship strengthens without her realising it. This anime is arguably one of the best romance anime I have watched, despite Usui who made us guys life harder with his perfect personality. I hope you guys will not make the same mistake as me and delay this anime  as it is worth every second of your time spent on this wonderful anime.

Random Outbursts of feelings

            Kinda late so post this, but it was my birthday on the 13th of March. Naturally, I felt really excited. But deep inside, there is this one lingering sadness that once consumed me entirely. All because of her. Now, I'm actually feeling a lot better thanks to anime. But, to be honest, I really missed her.Why? 

            During my first year of high school, I'm actually a loner. I didn't have that many close friends. Till I met her. She taught me the wonders of love. She showed me the joy of having a loving partner. Suddenly, everything went downhill. All because of me. All because of my mistakes. All because of my stupid ideas. At first, I blamed her for leaving me. Then, I realized that everyone would have done the same, even myself.

 

            Until now, I still longed for her companionship. On every 13th of March since then, she chatted with me. The only day I get to have a nice conversation with her. Other days, she just ignored me. But, this year, she didn't. It was till late in the evening when she said "Happy Birthday". And then a couple of short sentences. That was it. I guess it was all my doing. They say that it is sad how parallel lines never meet. But for me, non-parallel lines are even worse. They met once and then travel far away from each other and will never see each other again.

KOBATO

"I have to go to the place I belong"- Kobato

            Hello. Although I'm pretty sure not more than 4 people will be reading this, I'll still say this: I'm sorry for the RIDICULOUSLY long inactivity. I guess I'm lazier than I thought. Well, back to the topic. Kobato is another great anime from my perspective. Many may find it boring at the starting, and truth be told, the first half doesn't have much progress. But, the second half is where the main plot kicks in.

            Kobato herself is a kind and naive girl. Her background was unknown, only that she was an innocent victim of a supernatural war. She had one wish, to go to the place she belonged. She was given a second chance to fulfill her dream, under one condition. She must heal those with broken hearts. For each person she helped, she would gain a 'confetto'. She needed to fill a whole bottle with confetto in one year. 

            And thus, she sets out on a journey to help those in need with a bad-tempered stuffed toy named Ioryogi. She met various people during her journey, and managed to help many whose hearts were hurt. She even fell in love, but there was where the trouble and heartache starts.....

            This is a great anime with an amazing plot and breath-taking sceneries. Hope you guys will give it a try. :D

ANGEL BEATS!

"Thank you for giving my life to me"-Kanade Tachibana

         Well, this shall be the third anime that I am gonna write about-Angel Beats!. Angel Beats! is the first anime I watched and it's the reason why I am addicted to anime. The storyline is written by Jun Maeda, so you can expect a whole lot of feels packed in this anime of 13 episodes. To be honest, this anime is too short and left some of the characters undeveloped. But, it is a good anime nevertheless and its worth every minute you spend in it.

        This anime started off with jokes and laughter, just like every other comedy anime. But it gets serious as the story progresses. It is about a group of teenagers who were unsatisfied with their lives in the real world fighting against God. Each of them have either experienced injustice or had some regrets in their lives. 

        In the world after life, they had an epic battle against Tenshi, whom they thought wanted to erase them. They organized missions to foil Tenshi's plans.

        The plot has many twists and turns so it will always keep you at the edge of your seat. Although this seems like a common comedy anime, it actually contain many values of friendship and family that will keep your eyes wet. As a conclusion, I strongly recommend this anime if you are looking for some good romance comedy and slice of life animes. I hope this will move your heart as it moved mine. :D