Random Outbursts of Feelings

Random Outbusts of Feelings

        Well, it has been a loooooong while since I last posted on this blog, and I'm pretty certain that no one actually read this. But I still want to continue writing as this is considered as my diary( sort of).
It might sound ridiculous, but I might find it enjoyable to read these posts sometime in the future to remind me of my own strange feelings and experiences.

        I guess I should get started on the main topic. For the past few years, I have been in love with one girl, someone who kinda thought me the wonders of love. The feeling lasted waaaay longer than it should after she left me. Even though I used to blame her for hurting me, I soon realised that it's actually my own fault, my own ridiculous demands, my own problems. But I guess I should take it as a lesson to remind me not to act as stupidly as I did.

        

        After five long years of mixed torrents of swirling emotions, I finally get to move on as I realise that she is not the one for me. A few friends have told me that I can find someone better for me, and guess what? I really did! Never really expect this to happen, but I guess miracles do occur. I honestly did not expect to find a girl who is so similar with me in many aspects.

        I met her in a totally new environment and our relationship started in a really strange way. I guess I did fell for her not long after I first met her, but I was too afraid to ask her out for fear of my depressing past experiences. So, for a few months, I just hung out with her as friends while my feelings for her got stronger day by day until I finally gathered the courage to ask her out. I actually expected her to turn me down, but she actually accepted my feelings. I promised myself to not hurt her at all, but unfortunately, I broke my promise.

        I really do not want to make her sad, but I repeated the same mistakes again. I made her sad as I demanded near impossible things from her. I even went so far that she nearly left me. I forgot about my promises. I forgot myself again. But she forgave me. She tolerated with me and even loved me when I showed her how screwed up I can be. She did not leave me when I expected her to, instead she stayed with me and tried her best to cheer me up. She even sacrificed her time to make sure I'm happy and helped me in certain problems that I have. 

        

        I love her. It's just as simple as that. I really love her. I didn't expect her to love me back this much, but she did. If you are reading this and you know that you are the special girl in my life, thank you. Thank you for all the time that you spent with me. Thank you for all the help you gave me. Thank you for loving me. I honestly do not know what will happen in the future, but there is one thing that is set in stone: I will love you even if you really get tired of me one day. You will always be in my thoughts. I love you.