Random Outbursts of Feelings

            Guess what? It's a special day today! The day that the person I love was born. I can't even begin to express how fortunate it was for me to meet her. I'm so glad that I made the decision to hang out and talk to her. I still remember the first time we talked to together without anyone else. It was a Tuesday and we were in one of the first chemistry classes when you told me that there aren't any pre-u meeting that evening. Back then, all I looked forward to was going home as soon as possible. We started talking more and more and started to spend more time together. I still remember how you will always salute when I see you in the mornings. We would talk a little before class begins. When we have breaks, you would tag along with me occasionally to the cafeteria for some snacks or brunches. We would even go to a study area to finish our homework and assignments. To be honest, I was wondering why would you want to hang out with me. I didn't do anything exciting like playing games or stuff like that, but you would still keep me company while doing homework. I discovered your interest and ability in drawing and to me, it is an amazing skill. I was wondering about that, but I didn't dare to ask for fear that you will stop hanging out with me. Though, I am glad that you still want to spend time with me and I really appreciate it.

            The months passed and I get to know more and more about you. People teased us for being together, but, to my relief, you didn't seem to mind and continued to keep me company. I am able to share my thoughts with you, something that I am unable to do with many people. I rarely get to meet someone who would listen to my thoughts and not get annoyed or bored. You made me feel happier in college and I actually looked forward to college to meet you. I don't know why, but I really enjoy tickling you. your expressions and reactions are really cute. Stealing your stuff (especially your stylus) and watching you realise they were missing really made my day. Not that i enjoy bullying you, but the expressions and reactions that you show are really cute and I loved every single moment of it. I get closer and closer to you until one point when I decided to be with you. I asked you out, and to my surprise and joy, you accepted me. The next few months were better than what I could imagine. You treated me really well and I love every single moment with you.

            Then, I got too territorial over you. I showed you my ugly side. I made you really sad and even cried because of my selfishness. There are times when I wonder whether are you really happy being with me. Or maybe your life would be better off without someone like me in it. Perhaps you would have achieved better results without having to spend so much time with me procrastinating instead of studying. Perhaps I you would have made better decisions when you were hanging out with other friends other than me. I can see that you are the type that other people enjoy being with. All these doubts are swimming around my head recently. I don't really know what to do, but you went on and helped me through so many things. And all the while, I just got sad and angry and even made you depressed. I won't blame you if you decide to leave me, and I will be happy for you if you ended up having a better life without me. You don't owe me anything, and I won't blame you at all. I am sorry for all the times when I made you cry. I am sorry for all the times when I made you sad. I truly am sorry. 

            But if you really love me and really want to be with me, I'm yours. I really hope that you will choose to be with me. Not just because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but because I really love you. I'm not trying to make you stay with me by saying this, but I just want you to decide what is best for you. If you still choose me, I will listen to you. If you want me to try out something new or do something else, I will listen to you and follow you. Please just don't leave me behind. I will change myself and be a better me that you deserve and love.

            I'm sorry that I couldn't get or make you something nice for your birthday, but I will make up for it when me meet. Don't look down on yourself, you are a good person and someone who have and will achieve many successful things in the future. I am glad that I get to be with you and cherished every minute I spent with you. Happy Birthday <3